


Don't Touch Me

by robron_til_the_end



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, post trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-09-08 00:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8821816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robron_til_the_end/pseuds/robron_til_the_end
Summary: Aaron gets a flash back while in bed with Robert. Set April / May 2016.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I attempted to write this as a part of "Through the eyes of others" series, but it got way way too heavy for that. I nearly gave up on this halfway through because it's not exactly happy, but hope I'll be forgiven anyway!

“STOP!!” Aaron screams at him and Robert stills, completely bewildered. “God stop… Please…” Aaron whimpers. Horrified at what is clearly going through Aaron’s damaged mind, Robert pulls away from him, his arousal dying almost instantly.

Aaron’s shaking and crying silently, his body curled up into a ball on the bed and Robert has absolutely no idea what to do for him, how to help him. There had been no signs that Aaron wasn’t enjoying himself, he’d suggested it for God’s sake. Robert’s not sure what trigger he pushed, what he accidentally did that threw Aaron back in that hell, but he plans to find out. When Aaron is calmer and in the cold light of day. Right now that’s not the immediate problem. He pulls his jogging bottoms on to cover himself, realising at the same time Aaron is still naked, and rocking himself on the bed, still trapped in a nightmare. A nightmare that Robert feels he’s at least partly responsible for.  
“I won’t touch you,” Robert says, keeping his voice as calm as he can compared to the turmoil going on inside of him. “I’m going to cover you with a blanket, is that okay?” Aaron’s gulping for breath between sobs, but he has enough focus to nod. Robert quickly throws the duvet over him, which eases the shaking, but not Aaron’s tears, which still come thick and fast.

“Aaron, what can I do?” Robert asks desperately.

“Sorry…” Aaron breathes harshly. “I don’t know… what’s wrong with me!”

“Just breathe,” Robert advises, at a loss for anything else to say. “Slowly, in and out.” Apparently it helps, Aaron’s sobs are slowing. “Can I touch your shoulder?” Robert asks. Aaron nods once, and Robert does, very gently. He can feel the tension in Aaron’s body, even through the fabric covering him. “I’m sorry,” Robert says. “I didn’t realise…” If he had known where Aaron’s head had been, he would never have even tried to touch him more than possibly holding his hand.

“God, you’re wound up tight,” Robert says. “Try and relax.” Robert rubbed soothing circles on his shoulders, trying to calm him down. It works and once the tears stop, Aaron opens his eyes, looking apologetic.

“I’m sorry…”

“For what?”

“For…” Aaron clears his throat, uncomfortable.

“You only have to be sorry for one thing,” Robert said gently. “And that’s not talking to me.”

“Rob…”

“I don’t know what’s going on inside your head, so I need you to talk to me.” Robert moves his hand so his fingertips are caressing Aaron’s temple softly, making Aaron’s eyes flutter for a moment. Some knot inside Robert relaxes, because it’s clear his touch can comfort Aaron under the right circumstances.

“I don’t know,” Aaron replies. “It was like a switch flicked in my head and suddenly I couldn’t bear for you to be touching me. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry,” Robert says, though calmly. “I can wait. I’m not that desperate, you know.”

“I know you, Robert, you won’t wait for sex forever.”

“It won’t be forever.” Robert speaks with confidence.

“You don’t know that. Right now I feel so damaged and vulnerable and…” Robert knows that for Aaron to even admit this is a huge step for him, and he strokes his arm in what he hopes comes off as reassurance. Either way, Aaron doesn’t go rigid or tense under the attention, which relaxes Robert even further.

“I do know that, because I remember. I remember how passionate and… responsive you are when you’re not recovering from something hugely traumatic.”

“It was years ago,” Aaron shrugs, trying to minimise it.

“No,” Robert counters, softly but firmly. “You have relived every moment of it very recently. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it happened years ago to you right now.” Aaron doesn’t disagree. 

“But what if I can’t…”

“Aaron…”

“For arguments sake,” Aaron says. “What if it’s never the way it was? Before.”

Robert sighs, choosing his words very carefully. One wrong word and Aaron will close up. “I waited months for you, I didn’t sleep with anyone else because I wanted you, and you were worth the wait. When there were times you wouldn’t even look at me, and I‘d do it again. I knew that you needed time and I will never criticise you for that, Aaron. If you want to wait, if you _need_ to wait, that’s okay. Just talk to me, please. I’m not a mind reader.”

“You feel like it sometimes,” Aaron says, trying for humour.

“I don’t read your mind, Aaron, I just know you very well. My mask never fooled you, and you can’t hide well from me either.

“No, I know I can’t.”

“So, stop trying,” Robert suggests. Aaron laughs, lightly, briefly, making Robert smile.

“How were you able to have an affair with me for so long?” Robert can’t help but ask into the quiet as it looks like Aaron might be slipping into sleep. “After all, it was still true then.”

“Because us didn’t matter back then,” Aaron says. “You were an affair, I could never have you. Not really. But this, right now? It matters a hell of a lot to me.”

“But you never showed…” Robert swallows uncomfortably. It’s a question he doesn’t want to ask, doesn’t want to know the answer to, but he’s been putting it off for weeks now. In the end, not knowing is worse than anything Aaron could say. “Tell me the truth. Did you ever want me to stop before? And you just didn’t say anything?”

“No,” Aaron says, after thinking about it for a few seconds. 

“How could it not affect you?” Robert asks. While Aaron’s thinking, Robert strokes his hair gently.

“I kept that part of myself locked away,” Aaron says carefully. “It’s a part of me I never let anyone see. I barely let myself even recognise that that had happened to the same person. I’d spent enough years burying it and never letting myself think about it. And quite honestly, I was desperate for you at the time.” Robert smirks, and Aaron feels reassurance that the Robert he knows and is used to is still there, underneath the supportive, caring Robert he’s not quite as sure of.

“Do you want me to stay here tonight?” Robert asks.

“You’re not going anywhere.” For the first time, Aaron sounds sure, confident, his voice with a little bit of that familiar growl to it. Robert smiles and drops the questions. Anything else can wait for another time, curling into the duvet, and more carefully, curling against Aaron.

Neither of them are aware that Chas was at the doorway, having opened it a few inches. Aaron’s scream had woken her, and by the time she’d put her dressing gown on, and opened the door, Robert was trying to soothe him out of whatever horror had Aaron in its grip.

* * *

 

The next morning, downstairs Chas is pale and sat at the kitchen table. She isn’t hurrying to get dressed, put her makeup on, anything. She has her sons cry of pain on a loop in her head. He’d sounded scared, and much younger than he should have done. And all it does is remind her of the child she left to that.

“Morning,” Robert says, pulling her from her quiet thoughts. She doesn't reply, staring into space, thinking of Gordon.

Robert looks at her sharply, putting the pieces together. “You overheard last night didn’t you?” Robert asks. Chas doesn’t respond, they both know the answer to his question.

“Is he…?” she starts, then shakes her head. “You know, I’ve no idea what I should even be asking you.”

“I didn’t do anything, Chas.”

“Obviously you did something,” she snaps. They both take in deep breaths. “Sorry,” she says. “I’m feeling guilty and I’m taking it out on you. Which isn’t fair when you’re the only one he talks to.”

“I don’t know what happened. What pushed him,” Robert says, speaking to the kettle to avoid looking at her. Neither of them speak. As he makes the coffee, Robert notices his hands are shaking. He knows exactly why, he’d barely been able to sleep because of it. Robert doesn’t admit it, but he’s afraid he’s completely blown it with Aaron. That in the cold light of day, Aaron will realise being touched by Robert, by the man who undeniably hurt him in the past is the very last thing Aaron wants or needs to remind him of the past. Clearly some touch from him while they’d attempted to have sex the night before had triggered Aaron, and he couldn’t bear for it to happen again.

“Did he sleep?”

“Yeah,” Robert tells her. “So exhausted he didn’t stir once.” Robert’s own sleep had been so broken that it’s not hard to be sure of the truth on that one. He kept waking, making sure Aaron was there, and calm, and safe.

“I’m glad you’re here for him,” Chas says. Robert looks, but she seems sincere. “Just don’t push him too fast.” She leaves it at that, going upstairs to get dressed. This means that Robert has zero distractions as he remembers the terror in Aaron’s voice, the pain on his face, screwed up against the agony of memory.

When Aaron appears, he’s a little red eyed, but otherwise perfectly normal. “What’re you doing?” Aaron asks bluntly. “I like waking up next to you, get back in bed.”

This throws Robert. He expected there to be a big distance between them this morning, if nothing worse. “But… I thought…” Robert splutters.

“I want to be held by someone who cares,” Aaron says, eyes cast down at the floor. He feels vulnerable and embarrassed enough, admitting what he craves without looking into Robert’s eyes. When he does look, the warmth there makes Aaron smile. “I had a bad… thing,” Aaron says. _Understatement_  Rober thinks _._ “I don’t want it to ruin us. I know you don’t have work today so…”

“If you’re sure,” Robert says, voice a quiet murmur. Aaron nods briefly.

“Last night wasn’t your fault,” he says. “It was mine.”

“Aaron…”

“No, it was,” he repeats. “I should have admitted that I wasn’t sure I was ready for more. I just… sometimes I want you so badly, I don’t always think it through.” Robert smirks at that, he can’t help it. “Shut up,” Aaron adds, making the grin widen. “Come on.” Robert follows him up the stairs, he’s powerless to do anything else.

* * *

 

Two weeks later, when Chas wakes up, she can hear the telltale sounds of the bed creaking next door, mixed with muffled groans of pleasure. Whimpers that are certainly not cries of pain and anguish. Maybe it isn’t the right reaction to overhearing her son having sex, but she feels glad. She would absolutely hate his ruined childhood to ruin the rest of his life. Not that that means she wants to hear it, so she grabs her dressing gown and goes downstairs to make herself a coffee. Anything to ignore the two of them.

When Aaron makes himself breakfast later that morning, Chas doesn’t say a word. But the smile on his face is incredibly good to see.


End file.
